Is it not possible or is it still possible? How to reach understanding with a child


All parents are driven by a natural desire to make their children’s lives safe and comfortable. But for some reason, very often the first reaction to the baby’s action, which can harm someone or which is simply inconvenient for adults at that moment, is the unopposed exclamation “No!. .» At the same time, the reason for the ban is not always explained to the child — it seems that he is still too small and will not understand, or simply there is no time for lengthy explanations.

Meanwhile, the result of such prohibitions is disappointing — the child, taking into account all the psychological characteristics of age, makes only two conclusions:

The first:
“They are all bad: they do it themselves, but they don’t give it to me.” You can’t touch someone else’s dog, you can’t take matches, you can’t climb on a chair? At the same time, the child sees how the mother climbs onto a chair to get something from the top shelf, or strokes the neighbor’s dog …

«I am bad». The child unconsciously transfers the blame to himself. When everything is forbidden around him, he feels that he is always doing something wrong, that they are dissatisfied with him, they do not trust him and do not believe in his abilities. Subsequently, the baby may so dislike some trait characteristic of him — for example, talking loudly — and will try to get rid of it, feel uncomfortable from its manifestation and close, break his character.

Children perceive the world primarily emotionally, and not logically — and this is an age-related feature of their development. They try very hard to do everything like adults and with them. And if we want our children to grow up healthy, independent, to be able to make their own choice in situations “I can, but I don’t want to” or “I want to, but now is not the time,” we need to meet them halfway, even if something works out for them » worse» than ours.

A few tips to be «Lzya»

The main thing is to replace “you can’t” with “you can like this.” In fact, it turns out that everything is possible, it is only important to know how to deal with “all this”.

The age of the kids matters. If these are crumbs up to 2-3 years old, then offer an alternative to the action that the child wants to take, or switch attention to another subject. If he wants to tear a book, we suggest tearing paper, and it is better to have colorful, bright paper, at the same time we will develop motor skills.

In a conversation with kids, it is also important to show them how you can. Want to «eat» a shoe? Show him what it is for and how to put it on his leg. Of course, this will have to be shown repeatedly, but give the child time to gain experience.

When explaining why in a given situation, in your opinion, it is worth doing differently, try to ensure that this information affects more than one of the five senses: touch, hearing, smell, taste, sight.

An older child is sure, you just need to explain the reason for the ban as accurately as possible. Give your child the opportunity to draw their own conclusions. Be on the same side with him — discuss calmly and on an equal footing why you do not recommend walking through puddles in sneakers, for example. The child himself will offer you several weighty arguments. At the same time, together you will come to the conclusion that it is very possible to walk in a puddle, but you should prepare well — put on beautiful rubber boots. Well, if it suddenly happened that the feet got wet, then it is important for the child to know how to deal with this situation further so as not to catch a cold, for example: go home, take off wet socks, put them on the radiator, and change into dry clothes yourself.

Learn not to get annoyed if the child does something that you do not like, do not alienate the child from you. Naturally, you will not be able to remain silent if the baby has been knocking over your ear with a hammer for ten minutes now. Be sure to say that it bothers you. But it’s not necessary to use “closed” here, but you can offer a lot of other options: ask to knock more quietly, go to the next room, offer another game, or agree on how much more time your baby expects to hammer this imaginary nail.

Practice coming up with a few «Why not.» If you are honest with yourself, you will find that in general everything is “possible”, only in each case there are significant details, the definition of which will help to achieve the desired result.

And do not be afraid to show your child even dangerous things — light a match at a safe distance and bring it up so that he can feel the heat from the fire. Petting a dog, of course, is possible and even necessary, but be sure to tell us that it is better not to stroke unfamiliar dogs, because we do not know their character and they can bite. The baby can get off the sofa, it is only important to crawl to the edge and turn around, and then hang your legs and gently climb down.

And climbing into a chair is very interesting, because from there you can look at familiar things from a new point of view, but you just need to be careful and hold on well, and first, for safety, it’s better to do this with mom or dad.

And in general, do not miss the opportunity to talk more with the child, tell him a lot of interesting things about how everything works — after all, it directly depends on what interest he will explore the world in the future, his curiosity and success.

Thanks for the help in preparing the article to Maria Krushinskaya, the owner of the Baby Club in Vsevolozhsk and a specialist in working with children.


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