How to teach children to distinguish good deeds from bad?

What is “good” and what is “bad” are questions that worry parents at all times. The division into good and bad will not arise by itself — the child needs to explain the difference. Not only the experience of their mothers and fathers comes to the aid of modern parents, but also the recommendations of psychologists, examples from life and cinema, educational and artistic books. Where to begin? Let’s figure it out together.

The child learns what he sees in his home

We all know that first of all education takes place in the family. The kid involuntarily copies the behavior of those around him — he frowns like a dad, sits in the same position as his mother, repeats the actions of an older brother or sister. Your own actions are the basis of the child’s behavior. If there is a calm, friendly atmosphere at home, it is easier for the baby to navigate.

Rules and boundaries

Little children do not feel the difference between good and bad, their own and others, they are the center of their own universe and at first they see no boundaries — until they are explained that they cannot take someone else’s toy, spank someone you don’t like, scream or stomp their feet there, where it should be quiet. Therefore, it is so important to establish and gently pronounce the rules already when the baby is still barely talking. And do not deviate from them according to mood or situation. You are a support, if the support will stagger from one decision to another, how will the child understand where is the right one?

Encouragement and punishment

When something happens, do not scold the child, but emphasize that he did not do well. A bad deed does not make a person bad — sometimes it is just a mistake out of ignorance. Not “you are bad”, but “the act is bad”. Action can be corrected. Do not shout or punish — aggression will cause reciprocal aggression. Spanking and angrily chastising a pugnacious toddler is not the best strategy to explain that arguing does not help build relationships.

In turn, reinforce with approval: praise for every right action.

What about talking?

Teach older children to speak out their emotions and desires. Firstly, it will help to calm down, stop. Secondly, it will facilitate interaction with the outside world. Start with the basics — anger, joy, resentment, then complicate it — talk about envy and greed. Enter the phrases “I’m sad because…”, “I’m angry because…”, “I feel/want…”, “I don’t want to share because…”. By the way, this is good for adults too.

What do others have?

Model situations of bad and good deeds. Look for them in examples, create them yourself. Be sure to discuss with the children and invite them to come up with skits on their own.

How will the bear do?

Children often play role-playing games — family, doctors, shop. Take your baby’s favorite toys and play different situations with him. What will a bear do if someone takes away his favorite thing. What if he takes something from someone? Where he does the right thing and where he doesn’t. Be sure to ask your child what to do and what NOT to do.

Watch movies and cartoons. read books

Movies, cartoons and books are an inexhaustible source. They not only entertain, but also unobtrusively teach — remember “And so it will do”, “Magic Bag”, “We Shared an Orange”, film adaptations of folk tales in the “Mountain of Gems” cycle. Fictional characters act just like the real ones. Fairy tales were conceived in order to explain to children how to behave in a given situation, to show them the very “good” and “bad”. Cheerful adventures of fairy-tale heroes and magical surroundings help to avoid edification, but convey the right thoughts.

Be sure to read together. First, it’s that quality time with the kids. Secondly, it develops speech and imagination. Thirdly, an opportune moment to discuss something important.

For example, the famous Daria Dontsova has a children’s cycle — «Tales of the Beautiful Valley.» The main characters are animals living in a magical land. They are preparing to become pets in the human world, but while they live in the Valley, they behave just like little children. Each fairy tale is a story about the importance of friendship, how important it is to take care of others, why greed and curling is bad, what happens when bad intentions are masked by good deeds, and so on. Each such book is an occasion to start a serious conversation.

None of us was born with a clear and correct understanding of good and evil. We were taught by adults, we looked for answers in the world around us. Help your children to understand themselves and others — be consistent and patient. Be prepared for questions and be honest. We hope you will find our tips useful when your baby comes to you to find out what is good and what is bad.