Children’s tantrums: why and how to avoid them


The problem of children’s tantrums affects every parent with a certain frequency. What can I say, not only children, but also adults can find themselves in a situation of uncontrollable emotions. In anticipation of a child, we dream about how we will take our baby in our arms, hug, kiss, play, cherish, in general, we imagine a happy and calm life. Or not?! Well, at first, when the child sleeps most of the time, then yes, this is how it happens. But when a child grows up, we most often encounter fatigue, irritation, and, as psychologists say, emotional burnout occurs, which negatively affects the psychological state of the child and the parents themselves. The kid becomes more capricious, demanding and sometimes it is difficult to understand what exactly this little man wants from you, what are his true needs. And his needs may be different. Somewhere attention, care, affection, love and protection are needed. Or maybe you prevent him from getting acquainted with the outside world, learning, developing?

Let’s try to analyze and understand the causes of tantrums and try to reduce them to nothing, or at least reduce their number.

What are tantrums?

the child is naughty

Here we will follow the tactics “from simple to complex”. Tantrums can be single and systematic. The latter are often prolonged in time and acquire a chronic form.

FROM single tantrums we can meet at least every day and several times a day. For example, a child wants to eat soup with a fork, and you insistently explain to him that he is unlikely to be able to get enough in this way and give a large spoon, just as correctly. Against the background of «I want and that’s it,» this kind of emotional outbursts arise. This is the simplest and most harmless version of the child’s displeasure. Such examples can be another wagon and a small cart.

The reasons for such hysteria are as follows:

1. Consequence of physiological problems in a child (hunger, fatigue, lack of sleep, teething, malaise, illness);

2. Resentment, anger, irritation. For example, the most banal situation on the playground: your child is sitting in the sandbox, calmly playing with his toys, another child sits next to him and persistently takes away “someone else’s good”. We kind of feel uncomfortable for the actions of our child, we ask him to share. It’s a pity, isn’t it? And here we are making a grave mistake. It lies in the fact that we ourselves do not defend the right of the child to his own toys and do not allow him to do this himself. What does your baby feel in this case? Imagine that some stranger is trying to take your phone away from you. It’s a shame? Not that word. And so it is with the child. First they gave it, they said: “This is for you,” and then let’s share it for no reason and it’s not known with whom.

3. Emotional overexcitation. Both negative and positive emotions can lead to disorders of the child’s nervous system.

4. Lack of physical activity. From my children I know absolutely for sure that they urgently need physical activity and a change of scenery during the day. If something went wrong, that’s it — you can exhale and calmly go for a sedative. Try to organize physical activity for your child during the day and there will be more of one calm child in the world.

5. Each age period of growth and development of the child is characterized by certain physical and psychological needs (“give”, “I myself”, “I want”). The struggle for independence, upholding their needs and the unwillingness / inability of parents to understand this in time, can also cause the baby to be upset. Give your child the opportunity to develop.

6. Absence at all or inadequate reaction of the parent to what is happening (criticism, lack of attention to the child, etc.).

7. Jealousy. It is she who is useless, is a frequent cause of children’s tantrums. For example, when a younger child appears in a family, the older one becomes more stubborn, aggressive, and a regression in development occurs.

Systematic tantrums, as a rule, are the result of an incorrect attitude towards the child or the behavior of the parent during single tantrums. It is worth thinking about the question: “Why is the child initially set up to communicate with the parent only in raised tones?” The origins of the problem come primarily from the microenvironment (family, environment) in which the child is located.

When you should think about and reconsider your principles of upbringing and behavior in relation to a child:

1. There are no concepts of “what is good and what is bad” in the family. Every person needs discipline. Therefore, a small, and in the future — a big man, is in dire need of the presence of norms and rules of possible and proper behavior. Otherwise, everything that happens before the eyes of a child looks like chaos, in which everything is permissible.

2. The child needs to clearly define who is in charge in the house and who must be obeyed unquestioningly. Parental authority will be clearly undermined if someone in the presence of a child will teach you how to properly educate, what to do, how and with whom to play.

3. It will come back to haunt you if you allow other people to act with the child in the way they want, without protecting his interests and needs.

4. The role of the child in the family is violated. Excessive concentration on the interests of the child, or vice versa, lack of due attention gives rise to disturbances in psycho-emotional stability.

What to do?

There is always a way out! And it is not as complicated as it might seem at first glance. Every loving mother is capable of caressing, pitying, protecting, understanding, supporting, not pressing, hugging sincerely and with love. Act, listen to your treasure, put yourself in his place. The main thing is not to try to discuss the reasons at the moment of frustration. Calm down yourself, calm the child, and only then try to discuss the problem.

Pay attention to how often the child has tantrums, whether he is able to calm himself down or needs help, how he reacts to the parent’s attitude to his behavior.

If the tantrums are frequent and prolonged, most likely there are problems in the relationship between the parents and the child, and specialist advice is required.

Everything that is laid down in childhood is reflected in adult life on relationships with family, friends, colleagues, success in a career, etc.

Remember, the success and happiness of your child is only in your hands!


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