How to stay calm while doing homework with your child?


Many parents know this feeling when you need to do homework with your child, and you hold on to the last of your strength so as not to break loose. To cope with this situation, there are several life hacks, which we will tell you about. So, how to make the joint learning process enjoyable and comfortable for both the parent and the child?

Give children the opportunity to do their homework on their own

It happens that in fact the child does an excellent job with the «homework» and without the «guard». See what happens if he does his homework without your help — practice shows that many manage on their own from the very first day of study, and some need help only of an organizational nature.

How to understand that the child still needs real help:

  • he begins to cry, get angry or refuse to study every time he has to sit down for a task;
  • does not understand the meaning of tasks and does not know what exactly needs to be done;
  • lags behind classmates in the material covered;
  • cannot concentrate on the task and is constantly distracted;
  • stays up late at textbooks without any obvious result;
  • he asked you to help him.

Figure out what’s the problem

If you see that the child is not doing some tasks, then listen to him to understand why this is happening. It is very important to choose the right key and understand how your child thinks. For example, it is difficult for someone to solve problems in physics due to the fact that they do not understand how a river flows in reality, or they cannot multiply and divide without knowing what happens to numbers. Such things are easily solved by choosing analogies that the child understands, and as soon as he fills in his gap, learning will go like clockwork.

It is useful to find out in what way the child perceives information faster and better — when reading, drawing, taking notes, oral repetition, etc. Based on this, you can choose the format of training that will be most comfortable for him. Remember that there are no bad students, but there are those who for some reason could not be taught.

Do not do homework for the child

It happens that the child suddenly ceases to be interested in learning and does not devote time to doing homework at all. Doing everything quickly for him in such a situation will not help solve the problem at all — instead, find out what the matter is and why the motivation to study has disappeared. Solutions, depending on the root of the problem, can be very different, up to moving to a new school or changing the form of education. But if the child has stopped learning, and you are doing it instead of him, then it is difficult to call this help. The point is that in the end he began to do homework on his own, and did not wait for «they would bring him everything on a silver platter.»

Accept and be aware of your own feelings

This paragraph is about those same parental annoyances. Most often, parents are faced with shame for the child (“why is he worse than others?”), guilt (“if something doesn’t work out for him, then I’m raising him badly”), fear of the unknown in the future (“right now will study poorly, and then will not find a good job and achieve nothing at all”). Such thoughts must be “caught by the tail” and worked out so as not to bring down at the most inopportune moment on an unsuspecting offspring.

Some Ways to Deal with Feelings of Guilt and Shame:

  • Play with your child in a relaxed atmosphere, take a break from studying and thinking about his success in this area;
  • Ask him to help you with what he is great at — cooking, cleaning, crafts;
  • Arrange gatherings with tea and cookies to defuse the tense atmosphere, relax and unwind;
  • Seek counseling to support yourself and learn how to deal with guilt and anxiety.

Break the material into pieces

From the height of our age, many things learned in elementary school seem to us absolutely obvious and do not require attention at all. Remind yourself often that this is not the case for a child, and it may really take time for him to master the fact that “twice two = four”. Don’t run «gallop across Europe» and give your child time to break the material into small pieces and learn it gradually.

Imagine yourself in the place of the child and try to understand how he feels

Often «difficult» students develop defensive responses to cope with stress, such as pretending to be even dumber than they really are so that they are not asked unnecessary questions. Many are afraid of the very fact of knowledge testing, even if they know everything. In this case, it makes sense to move away from formalities and make it clear to the child that study is not only surveys and tests, but also an interesting, even exciting process of obtaining new knowledge. You can ask the child to come up with a test himself and interview you, imagining himself in the role of a teacher. The main thing is to deal with the negative emotions that study causes, otherwise the trigger will be too strong, and the child simply will not be able to relate to his own education normally.

Get a certain rhythm

If the problem is precisely that the baby cannot concentrate and is constantly distracted, then you need to think about the pace at which your work will progress, and then teach him to enter the given rhythm on his own. To do this, there are several simple tricks, for example:

  • Set a timer for 10 or 15 minutes, and while the child completes tasks during this time, keep your hand on his head. After the time has elapsed, remove your hand and pause with it for 5 minutes, then repeat the cycle until the task is completed. Cycles may increase with age.
  • Micropauses. They are needed in order to be distracted according to the plan, and not to allow the body to take uncontrolled breaks on its own.

Teach your child to understand what he does not understand

The point is that you need to be able to ask the right questions in order to get answers and fill gaps in knowledge, and not just cry and be upset that you don’t understand anything. Such skills are called metacognitive — that is, about knowing what you know and do not know, as well as understanding exactly how your brain works. This is very important so that when asked what he does not understand, the child does not answer “I don’t understand anything!”, but explains exactly what the snag is. Understanding how the thought chain moves in the head is very useful not only for children when doing homework, but also for adults throughout their lives.

Take into account individual characteristics

It may be easier for someone to study in the morning, while for someone it is better to memorize information in the late evening. Someone thinks better after a hearty lunch, while someone, on the contrary, tends to sleep, and works better on an empty stomach. The answers to these questions are individual, so it is worth knowing the biorhythms and the body of your child well in order to respond to them correctly. Ask yourself more often how effective your preparation for lessons is at the moment, and indeed the child will learn everything well and for a long time, working at a given pace.

Stay flexible

Perhaps the child is lazy not because he resists the learning process, but because in this way he tries to save his strength, knowing that the work ahead will be too difficult, and he will objectively not cope with it. Perhaps you have put too much on him, and he is not able to combine, for example, several circles and studies at the lyceum. He may be more comfortable at home or in a special class. Remember that your child doesn’t have to be a super bright A student who comes easy, and perhaps his strengths are simply not in his studies.

It is worth trying the above points at least in order to understand which of the cases suits yours, and not to panic that something does not work out for you and your child. You will definitely cope with any of the situations that have arisen if you find the right approach to it. We hope that our article will help you with this.


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