Parents read a lot on the Internet and books about what to do with their children.
We decided to make some variety and today we will tell you how you should definitely not talk with your daughter and son. However, this time, it seems, we could not resist the recommendations.
So, we advise you to think if you:
Compare: “Here I am at your age …”
Most often, the child is completely uninterested in what exactly you did better than him at his age. There is an unshakable psychological rule — you can compare any person only with yourself. Only then do we see real change, and only then can there be an incentive to grow further. And the comparison with the «son of my mother’s friend» is no longer relevant and does not bring pedagogical success.
Excessively praise the child, which is not true
Explaining to a son or daughter that they are more talented than they really are will not make them more confident. Self-esteem is usually formed in close contact with reality. The child is no worse than you notice what exactly he is good at and what is not very good. Support your toddler or teen in something that is not working out for him yet — offer help, but do not praise.
Any compliments should be sincere and, if possible, specific. «Well done» or «clever» are simple but not effective words. try to highlight and say something specific that you especially liked. «I see you washed the floor to a shine», «Thanks for helping me get my bags out of the store» and so on.
Threatening a child and not doing what was threatened
“If you don’t shut up right now, I’ll give you to that policeman over there!”
“If you don’t leave the site, I will go home alone”
If you often promise children something that you obviously do not plan to fulfill, but only want to scare the child and achieve obedience, be sure that they will soon recognize the manipulation and stop taking threats seriously. If the offense is serious — make the punishment fair and real! Otherwise, distrust of you and your words will only increase.
Forbid the child to express his feelings or emotions
All emotions are needed, all emotions are important. And feelings too. For example, anger and irritation teaches us to observe our own and other people’s boundaries and tells us that it is worth besieging a boor in a tram. If the child is afraid or ashamed of his feelings, this can lead to a strong lack of confidence in himself and in his needs.
Speak with the children their feelings, show understanding for what is happening to them. Let’s set an example in how these feelings can be expressed safely to ourselves and others.
The child is a mirror of the parents. If you want to raise a son or daughter to be a self-confident person, set an example of how you treat yourself. Do not allow yourself or anyone to be treated with disrespect. You shouldn’t feel like an «idiot» in your hearts or lament loudly because of an accidentally broken plate.
Remain calm and remember that you are a role model.
«Woe is mine» — from the creators «Why are your hands so crooked?!» or “It’s still small for me to point out, foolish!”
We offer to tell the child about his misdeeds, if any, without affecting his personality. A son or daughter is usually ready to honestly admit that they messed up somewhere, but evil words about their personality can hurt and leave a trace in the soul more than deprivation of computer games or a break in walking on the street.