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Help your child prioritize
First you need to understand what distracts the child from learning and takes energy. If the load is excessive, it must be reduced. The child should rest before getting back to work. If he is torn between extra circles, discuss what activities should be paused to free up time for lessons. It is important to remember that if things are not going well at school, your task is to explain to the child that he is not mediocre, and point out what he is doing well. Therefore, never take away the hobby in which he feels successful.
Teach to learn
Figure out which disciplines are given to the child worse than others and act: first explain one incomprehensible paragraph, then slowly another. The main thing is patience. Time will pass and we will see how, along with the understanding of the subject, interest returns, fear leaves, and self-confidence fills its place. If you are unable to explain a complex subject, bring in a tutor for a while.
Sometimes we force the child to work hard for several hours. The poor fellow suffers, pretends to be busy, but in fact is distracted, the lessons remain unlearned, and the topic is not understood. Look for an effective model of self-study, divide a big task into small ones, show how to switch to a short rest after increased attention.
Solve problems with the teacher
If a child is having a hard time learning because the relationship with the teacher doesn’t work out, or the teacher is biased, we need to intervene. Otherwise, the child will find himself between two fires: the teacher torments him in the classroom, and his parents scold him at home. This is the worst option: in this way we lose a constructive connection with the child, and the problem remains a problem. What to do? First, talk to the teacher, find out his point of view, look for consensus. If the conversation does not help, you need to look for a new teacher, class or school. And quickly: strong negative emotions have a bad effect on the psyche of the child.
Set limits and lead by example
Do not rush to criticize what you do not like, but the child considers important. Sometimes you just need to wait, and interest in a hobby will disappear on its own. Of course, this is not always the case. If the hobby is long-term, show interest in it, look for the pluses in this hobby. And slowly limit the time your child spends on it. You can say something like, “Parkour made you stronger, cool! Keep training. But let’s agree right away: a maximum of two hours a day. And don’t be reckless: difficult tricks only when you feel one hundred percent confident. OK?»
It’s the same with gadgets. It is useful to introduce rules not only for the child, but for the whole family. For example, at dinner, we do not check the phone, but when we go to bed, we put gadgets in the hallway. Set such rules for everyone, and see how much less the child will resist the «regime».
Reward for the process, not the result
Harvard professor Roland Fryer conducted a study whose goal was to understand what has the greatest impact on academic performance. The study involved 36,000 children. It turns out that the best way to influence academic performance is to encourage precisely defined activities: practice in mental counting, reading books, being active in the classroom.
The ratings are higher for those who are praised for the process, and not for the end result. And I mean not material praise. Often you just need to verbally encourage the child, take him to his favorite place or pay for his favorite section.
Encouragement should be immediate, not sometime in the future. The promise “Finish the year without triples — buy a new iPhone” will not work. It is much more effective to celebrate milestones rather than the final goal, small steps in the right direction rather than the final mega achievement.
Calls in the spirit of «You must pass the exam!» cannot be measured and divided into parts. They will not help, because the child does not understand what exactly needs to be done for this. But when the goal is measurable and understandable — for example, “the whole quarter on Tuesdays and Thursdays is additional in chemistry, we solve three problems every day” — this is an understandable doable task that can be both completed and verified.
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