Who should be mom and dad for a child? Deciding the fate of strict mentors? Or good friends, ready to help and support at any moment? Both sides have their supporters and opponents in the parenting environment. Marina Solotova in her book “How to become a friend to a child while remaining his parent” reveals her point of view on this issue and says that it is possible to strike a balance between these seemingly polar opinions. But how?
It is difficult to argue that a child and even a teenager is not entirely responsible for his life, cannot make difficult life decisions due to the lack of certain life experience and knowledge. Therefore, parents are a helping side for them in this matter. Moms and dads, who are especially fanatically approaching the decision of the life of their children, make plans in great detail. They schedule the child’s daily routine by the hour, choose circles and tutors for him, and sometimes decide which university he will go to.
However, reality makes its own adjustments. When planning a child’s life down to the smallest details and minutes, we forget about the main thing: although children depend on us up to a certain age, they are still separate people, so they can definitely make their own decisions, agree (or not) with our complex calculations and routines. And that’s okay. The only correct option in such a situation would be to become a supporter of a son or daughter, their main henchman. Of course, without forgetting that you are still the main responsible adult in his life.
about the author
Marina Solotova considers pedagogy to be her vocation: she dreamed of working like this since childhood. While still a student herself, she helped the kids, accompanied them. More than 40 years have passed since then, but her attitude towards children has not changed. In 2000, she left her job at school, having managed to work as a journalist on television and radio, and even as an editor of a youth magazine.
It would seem that the professions of a journalist and a teacher are completely different and do not intersect in anything. Marina Solotova, too, for a long time could not figure out how to combine them in her activities, until one day she decided to open a school for future journalists.
Marina believes that all children in the world are good, talented and the best. The problem is that not all teachers and even parents understand this. Therefore, the author conducts consultations, trainings and writes books to convey to adults “what buttons to press” so that understanding reigns between you and the child.
Details about the book
The great value of Marina Solotova’s book lies in the fact that it was created on the basis of the author’s vast experience: it is not only many years of work with children and their mothers / fathers, but also her own parenthood. In this case, it is not so important whether your child has real problems in behavior, in school, in relationships with others, or in anything else. You will definitely find something useful for yourself. «How to become a friend to a child» will answer several important educational questions:
- how to make friends with your child?
- what should it be — the cherished equality in parent-child relationships?
- how to understand the term «reasonable dominance» and how to apply it in family pedagogy?
- Is it worth applying punishments and in what cases it should not be done at all?
- what should a parent be like if he wants his baby to grow up healthy and happy?
A few life hacks
Do you remember your childhood friend?
Marina Solotova strongly advises you to remember him. What did you enjoy doing together the most? What was the most interesting thing about your friendship? How did you react to his words, and he to yours? How do you reconcile in case of quarrels? The moment when you need to remember everything. Now try to think about what your child has in common with that boy or girl with whom you were friends in childhood. And with you? Believe me, you will find not only similarities, but also answers on how to behave already with your son or daughter.
Think about the last conflict.
Quarrels happen between all people, and your relationship with children is no exception. What did you say? How did you behave? Would you behave the same way with an adult friend, colleague, other person? This will tell a lot about your attitude and respect for the child. After all, he deserves the same attitude as any adult around you.
Your child has not cleaned his room. This is a problem for many parents: clutter can be annoying and dissonant in your family’s measured life. Remember how you expressed your dissatisfaction in that situation. Think about what exactly you didn’t like in that situation, but just learn to find and voice the true reasons: “I don’t like that the apartment is dirty” and not “He doesn’t respect my work at all, I’m not an authority for him.” Now imagine a similar situation with another adult close to you. Would you react the same way? As in previous situations, here too it is worth drawing conclusions.
The book by Marina Solotova will help not only to find the keys to the spiritual relationship between parents and the child, but also to solve such pressing problems, for example, about the distribution of a student’s time, so that at the same time he has enough resources to meet friends and gadgets. Yes, parenting is a path that requires trial and error. But when there is clear guidance from professionals, their risk is reduced and the consequences are minimized.