Adequate self-esteem is a great happiness: not every one of us knows our worth. What is worse — overestimated or underestimated self-esteem and what needs to be done in order to equalize it? Let’s find out!
What is the most important thing for an actor? A high self-evaluation! — likes to repeat the actress Catherine Zeta-Jones. “They won’t give you five cents more than how you value yourself!”
But how do you know what you’re really worth?
Our upbringing system is evaluative, so it initially contains the postulate: there are people smarter than you. Therefore, it is very difficult for most people to realize that they can evaluate themselves. So to say, “a big giraffe — he knows better …” Conscious healthy self-esteem begins to form in the period of so-called early adulthood — at 20-25 years old. By this time, teenage throwing has been experienced, and there is an understanding that other people’s assessments are ALIEN assessments that can give us certain information for reflection, but nothing more.
Self-esteem — up or down for you?
What is worse — low or high self-esteem? According to psychologists, both have … certain advantages! Low self-esteem makes us strive for more. Such people are very good critics. And people with high self-esteem are good at moving various ideas and projects into life. Worst of all is a rigid immovable self-esteem. Self-esteem is an ongoing process: thanks to it, you can recognize yourself, it gives you the opportunity to regulate your life, change, develop.
Read also: Women’s complexes: how to deal with them?
And it is also important not to forget that there is no self-esteem at all — a person evaluates himself according to many parameters: you can be an excellent mother and a bad daughter, a good housewife and no sexual partner. Therefore, it is very useful to isolate all the components of self-esteem and try to determine your “progress” in each “subject”, without focusing on any one component. Therefore, it is incorrect to say «I have low self-esteem.»
How not to get hung up on the opinions of others: expert advice
The people around us often affect our self-esteem to the point that we begin to obsess over them and ruin our self-esteem even more. How to stop depending on the opinions of others?
Tanya Bryk’s opinion
Tanya Bryk from the modeling reality show of the New Channel shared her personal experience.
Have you always dreamed of singing, but are you afraid of the reaction of the public? Do you want to dye your hair pink, but are afraid that they will poke your fingers at you? It’s time to pull yourself together and stop obsessing over the opinions of the people around you. The advice of Tanya Bryk, the winner of the Super Top Model in Ukrainian project, which was shown by Novy Kanal, will help in this.
“Remember, you are not a $100 bill to please everyone. People will always think what they want, and you will not be able to control their thoughts. Even if you do everything right and you have, say, excellent manners, this does not mean that you will be a good person for everyone, ”Tanya explained. We are all different, we all have different concepts of “right” and “wrong”.
And from theory to practice. A simple exercise will help to raise self-esteem.
“Better learn to evaluate yourself correctly. I propose to write 7-10 qualities that are important for you — try to follow them and your principles, — recommends the winner of the model reality show of the New Channel.
Advice from psychologist Natalia Borisova
Everyone at least once in their life felt uncomfortable about “what will people say”? What is the opinion of others? What if you look funny in front of others? The psychologist of the reality show “From a boy to a young lady” (New Channel) Natalya Borisova will tell you how to recognize that you are afraid of someone else’s assessment.
“A huge problem is that you do not live for yourself, but so that someone does not think badly of you,” says the psychologist. Yes, you are cheating on yourself and your dreams. Remember that this is only your life, and you must live the way you want, without looking back at others. Usually, ridicule, discuss, say nasty things, those who are jealous and do nothing themselves to achieve success. These are people who are afraid that you will be better than them and achieve more than them.
So, how do you know that you are afraid of someone else’s assessment.
- You feel close to others, usually stiff, and feel «out of your element».
- Constantly think about how other people will react to you.
- Worried about people saying mean things about you.
- Worried that someone will judge you or laugh at what you are doing. And because of this, you put your dreams and goals on the back burner.
- You are afraid to be an individual, preferring to remain «like everyone else.»
“Therefore, stop looking at someone else’s opinion and don’t expect to be rated as “excellent,” says Natalya. — Build your reality the way you see fit! If you yourself cannot overcome this fear and anxiety, then contact a specialist with whom you will determine the causes of discomfort and work on self-esteem, as well as develop the skills to defend your point of view!
How to increase self-esteem?
But what if you doubt yourself? And secretly suspect that «not a Goddess»? If a person feels dissatisfied with himself, then he is already halfway to changing something in his life. The most important thing is to localize problem areas, to determine exactly where and what “hurts”. Maybe it’s time to change something in life?
And these 7 steps are very helpful.
- Step #1. Stop comparing yourself to others — why? There will always be people in the world prettier, smarter or luckier than you. But don’t forget to compare yourself today with yourself yesterday!
- Step #2. Start a Journal of Personal Achievements: note in it all, even the most insignificant at first glance, your victories.
- Step #3. Do not try to demonstrate your own importance if you are not sure of it: others will not fail to give you a flick on the nose, and then your self-esteem will fall below the baseboard …
- Step number 4. Forgive yourself for your imperfections. After all, this is not «swine flu» — no one has died from it yet.
- Step number 5. Sign up for a gym. Yes, yes, do not be surprised — a healthy, toned body surprisingly positively affects the spirit living in this body!
- Step number 6. Take part in a charity event: helping your neighbor is the best “growth vitamin” for self-esteem.
- Step number 7. And finally, get a dog — no matter what happens to your self-esteem, for at least one creature in the world you will be the Best!
Do you want to be happy? Look!
The opinion of the editors may not coincide with the opinion of the author of the article.