Suspiciousness is a tendency to see danger in everything, painful suspicion, incredulity. How to deal with suspiciousness, anxiety and where it comes from, read in our article.
From this article you will learn:
Suspiciousness can seriously spoil our lives, although at first glance it seems that it does not affect anything. In fact, suspicious people experience constant stress, they develop excessive anxiety …
When you read the definition, it seems that you cannot have such a thing, but let’s not forget that any process has stages of development!
If you sit with a guy, he gives you a compliment, and you answer: “Thank you!”, But at the same time you think that he is lying to you (or at least exaggerating), then this is also suspiciousness.
There is also a problem with self-esteem. But we gave this example only to show that suspiciousness can be different.
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Life is beautiful, you know and understand it, but for some reason most often you cannot enjoy all its colors? Is something bothering you, and this something is not outside, it is inside you? Congratulations, this is overkill.
Each person has some background emotions that he may not even be aware of, but feel. If you can’t relax, you always wind yourself up and don’t trust people, most likely you need to work with your suspiciousness.
We all have something that does not suit us, something that we want to change in ourselves. Most often, these are extra pounds, unwanted hair in the bikini area, or an ugly accent when talking in English. And this is normal, psychologists say. But if you are constantly dissatisfied with yourself, and the Inner Critic is your main interlocutor, it’s time to change something.
What is suspiciousness
Many people, and especially women, are often prone to suspiciousness. Now we will describe the main symptoms, and you will try to understand how much what has been said applies to you.
You can consider yourself suspicious if you agree with at least 2 statements:
1. You are used to assessing risks and seeing danger. You think about future changes first of all in terms of what could go wrong.
2. You think it’s best to always expect the worst. If this happens, you already seem to be ready mentally — but if suddenly not, then there will be another reason to rejoice.
3. If you read about an illness or talk to someone who is sick, you immediately find the same symptoms in yourself. You react to any pain in the body with fear: what if it is something serious?
4. You suspect that others judge you behind your back and only pretend to love you. You used to trust yourself alone.
5. You doubt your success. Even if others praise you, deep down you think that you do not deserve praise.
6. You are constantly worried about your relatives, friends, child, even if there are no real reasons for this now.
Types of suspiciousness
Anxious suspiciousness is a very broad concept, and to some extent it happens to everyone. If once or twice a year you feel an attack of inexplicable anxiety or, against the background of troubles in life, suspiciousness manifests itself more strongly, it’s okay. But if it happens much more often, evaluate the risks and think about what can be done.
What is suspiciousness? Here are some of the main types that psychologists distinguish.
Maternal hypocrisy. The baby will fall out of the window, he may be injured or ill, the young mother is overcome by disturbing dreams about the child — all these are classic manifestations of maternal anxiety. Usually they learn about them with the advent of the first child, but by two or three years the phenomenon is on the decline.
Syndrome of a novice physician. To have one, it is not necessary to really study in medicine, although the classic version of the syndrome is when medical students begin to see symptoms of the diseases that they are currently undergoing in the program. To get it in modern conditions, it is enough to be a fan of online medical encyclopedias or read thematic forums.
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A variant of such suspiciousness is the well-known hypochondria, when a generally healthy person can really bring himself to a hospital bed with a constant neurosis on the basis of imaginary diseases.
The extreme manifestation of this condition is «Munchausen’s syndrome»: when people believe so strongly that they are sick with something that they actually start to get sick.
Another unpleasant manifestation of suspiciousness is paranoia in all its manifestations. From the fear that the neighbors are watching you, to the certainty that colleagues are plotting (of course, we are talking about the case when your fears are groundless :)).
These, of course, are extreme cases of suspiciousness, but no one is immune from such things, you just need to constantly monitor yourself.
Where does arrogance come from
Suspiciousness can be either a part of your character from birth, or an acquired, imposed trait. Alas, the second option is more common. And, like many of our problems, it comes from childhood.
The most common reason for the development of suspiciousness is psychological trauma received in the first years of life. It is sad, but most often the closest people — parents — become their culprits.
If the kid constantly hears phrases like “All children are like children, and mine is a fool a fool”, “Mashin Volodya got a five, and what are you ?!” — and the like, suspiciousness can develop in him from early childhood.
We are also very vulnerable in adolescence: when a child stops blindly trusting the opinion of his parents about himself, but still does not know how to fully understand himself. It is dangerous during this period to hang labels on a teenager, motivate him by offending him (“Something you have grown fat”, “You can’t do anything yourself, you are not independent”, “You will never learn …”). If a child is blamed for all the troubles, he will quickly learn to consider himself guilty. At what always and in everything. And now it has already been taken, the first step towards pathological suspiciousness.
However, do not rush to immediately blame your parents — perhaps this is not your case. Suspiciousness can also be congenital, then it is a trait of your character, a special “nervous constitution”, as doctors say. Such a “legacy” often goes to women — usually disturbing natures can be recognized even outwardly: they are often pale, asthenic built, there is stiffness in their movements, as if they are afraid to take up extra space in space.
Whatever the reason for your suspiciousness, if it interferes with life, you need to get rid of it! After all, we only have one life, and spending it on constant fears and anxieties is just a shame.
How to get rid of suspiciousness
In a nutshell, suspiciousness is a lack of confidence, which leads to mistrust and a sense of danger. So at first, you can quite cope with unnecessary anxiety on your own. Here are some ways that psychologists advise.
1. Exercise «What am I afraid of.» If you have an attack of anxiety and fear, stand in front of a mirror and in a clear, loud voice say everything that you are afraid of. Of course, for such an exercise it is best to retire. Don’t be afraid to expand on the topic — for example: «I’m afraid that this injection in the side is the first sign of appendicitis. I’m afraid they’ll take me to the hospital. I’m afraid of doctors, I’m afraid of death, I’m afraid that I don’t have full control over my body…” and so on. This exercise will help you become your own psychotherapist and get to the bottom of it — so what exactly are you afraid of. Conscious fear is already half obsolete fear.
2. List of consequences. A very popular exercise, familiar to everyone who has ever told a psychologist about their suspiciousness. You will need a pen and a sheet of paper on which you will draw 3 columns.
Write your fear first. Secondly, all the consequences that it can bring into your life. And third, the real steps you can take.
For example: “Fear: I am afraid that I will be fired from my job. What will happen: I will be left without money. I won’t be able to find a new job. I will lose my qualification. What I can do: Set aside some amount each month so I have a «cash buffer» for a rainy day. Learn a new profession. view vacancies to know that my specialty is in demand. Improve skills — go to seminars, read literature.
It is learned helplessness that usually frightens suspicious people — they are afraid that they will not be able to cope with the catastrophe that is looming from all sides. If you have a clear plan of action in front of you, fear will recede.
3. Learn to relax. Suspicious anxiety is a constant tension at all levels: petrified muscles, cortisol in the blood — in a word, it’s like you are preparing to attack or run away, but you don’t do either one or the other — and so on for years. Stress can tell not only on the psyche, but also on health. Therefore, master meditation, a few exercises of breathing exercises. Add pleasant rituals to your daily life that help you feel secure and comfortable — read a book at night, lie in a bubble bath.
4. Consolidation of success. Considering yourself successful is a skill. And he trains like everyone else! Do not forget to praise yourself (you can even out loud 🙂 and pay attention to every situation in which you did well, achieved something worthwhile, overcame yourself — in a word, you were a real smart girl. The more positive experiences are stored in your memory, the sooner you will begin to believe that there is nothing to be afraid of.
And one more little caveat: suspiciousness loves silence. If you do not share your fears with any living person, your condition may progress. Therefore, find people close in spirit — at least one. Tell your relatives about your fears. Do not be afraid to turn to a psychologist if you can not cope alone.
Expert advice: how to overcome suspiciousness
With this painful feeling associated with anxiety and dependence on the opinions of others, it will be much easier to say goodbye if you understand the underlying causes of its occurrence. I propose as a self-study a small workshop based on psychotherapy (emotional-figurative therapy) and body-oriented therapy (craniosacral therapy).
The first question you can ask yourself is: “Who is worried inside me?”. The image of the disturbing part of the personality may turn out to be a small child who accepts the opinion of adults without criticism, or a teenager who painfully perceives the opinion of classmates. Do not under any circumstances reject or chase away your anxious part. Once you identify with her, learn about her important needs and desires. Most likely it will turn out that her main need will be for security, and her cherished desire is for acceptance, support and confirmation of her value. Call on your Inner Adult for help and, on their behalf, say a few heartfelt, sincere words of support to your Inner Child. Say that you should not worry about the evaluation of others, because you love him and accept him for who he is, without devaluing or criticizing him. That he is very important and dear to you, because you grew out of him and that you have no one closer to him … Hug him and promise to always support him. Why wait for approval from others when you can always give it to yourself?! And then the world ceases to seem hostile and disturbing, because you have an inner support!
Now let’s try to find support in our own body. In nature, there is a phenomenon called a tornado: huge eddy currents twist into a spiral, lifting cars and houses into the air. Did you know that this natural power only manifests itself when there is support inside? And this support is called the eye of rest: inside the moving streams there is a zone of immobility. So it is in our life: if we enter a state of inner silence, the space around us will begin to unfold as we need. To do this, direct your attention inward, gradually passing through the body, allowing it to release tension and find inner balance.
Leave 10% of your attention in your feet, 30% in your solar plexus, 30% in the space of the room where you are, and 30% of your attention on the horizon line. By maintaining a wide field of perception, being present in your own body, you are guaranteed to enter a state of inner peace and silence of the mind. And this state is cumulative for your internal batteries. 15 minutes a day of such practice — and your personal strength and self-confidence will increase, leaving no place for suspiciousness and dependence on someone else’s opinion.
Self-development is a delicate matter, and there are no unimportant details in it. Even a little discomfort deprives us of full-fledged happiness, therefore there is no time to be lazy — we need to quickly remove everything that prevents us from living.
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The opinion of the editors may not coincide with the opinion of the author of the article.